To the Women of Chicago:

ok so summer is almost here, and the weather has definitely given us a taste of what's to come.  it was smoldering hot the last couple of days and yes, it is hot, but ladies, PLEASE COVER YOUR ROLLS.  i'm sorry to be so blunt, but just because its 80 degrees, doesn't give you the right to let your belly hang out of your shits and your butt cheeks out of your shorts.  it is hot, but not that hot that you can't cover an extra 3 inches of skin. 

yesterday, i was walking home from work and saw a decent sized woman walking in front of me in the smallest jean shorts i've ever seen.  they wouldn't have fit a 5 yr old and some how she squeezed her legs and ass into those things and buttoned them up.  i was amazed and also threw up from the cellulite coming from the back.  girl, get some bigger shorts.  you'll be able to walk easier and sit easier...plus what happens if you go to the bathroom and can't get the zipper back up?  IT GETS WORSE.  i caught up with her at a red light and sure enough the girl has no bra on.  ok i was blessed (only in this scenario) with small boobs and can most of the time get away without wearing a bra, but this girl, omg she had torpedoes and nothing to support them.  it was so bad, not tasteful and not good looking. yes, boobs are hot and blah blah but no man in their right sense would have those this chick was hot. 

i'm afraid to go to the beach this weekend because i'm sure there are going to be a lot of itty bitty bikinis everywhere on some not so itty bitty bodies.  wear a moo moo or a pair or shorts that fit you, ladies, please i'm begging.

i'll be there in bball shorts and a tshirt just so that i don't gross anyone out.