its been a month..

i haven't had the time nor mental capacity to "blog" about anything.  it's been a a hectic month and i've been drowning in life decisions, therefore a silly little blog wasn't really in my time frame to do things. 

since the end of may:

• i quit both of my jobs and had 3 offers on the table in the same week.  i decided to take a fulltime position in the loop in order to stay in the city and do what i want. 
• i turned 23
• i walked with a ton of other women for a cure for cancer
• i found out that the person i would have spent the rest of my life with, didn't feel the same way anymore

its been a hell of a month and my insides are gone.  gone as in like - i can't eat, i can't keep anything down and i can't sleep.  my head is beyond repair and its hard because time seems to go by so slowly.  i am off for 2.5 weeks and all i can think about is my new job, my new commute (only 1 L train stop difference but no seagulls, thank god), and my night/weekend activity being at a stand still. 

i have felt like all of my thoughts and dreams for the future have been crushed and now need to be brand new.  i've had a silly little pipe dream in my head that i was going to spend my life with someone.  i know its a silly dream to have at 23 but when things are mentioned and said about the future, its hard to not get excited for it.  i've always wanted to be older so that "the future" could start and now there's no hope for that, because here i am, i'm 23 years old and was looking forward to being 25 tomorrow.   i'm the type of person that gets something in my head and it stays there - plans to go to MN in august = already in my head,  a musical in the end of september = already in my head, a 2 year anniversary = already planned to go somewhere to celebrate and you can't celebrate an anniversary along, gone.  just a lot of hurt from broken promises and dreams.

its just been a nightmare in my head and i can't wait for the day until my saddened mind and heart are ok.